Breaking the Breadwinner Stereotype
A quiet revolution is underway in many Australian relationships. Women are increasingly stepping to the role of primary breadwinner, challenging traditional gender roles and paving the way for increased gender equality. But have we adjusted as a society to accommodate this new norm? Have we recalibrated our expectations of women and men to redefine what is masculine, feminine or the definition of success for either? The data suggests that we haven’t and that we have a long way to go with breadwinning women more likely to experience domestic violence and still performing the bulk of domestic labour. So how do we move forward? What needs to change to make a more harmonious and equitable society? Let’s dive in!
Today about one in four Australian households have a female breadwinner dynamic according to a study from the Melbourne Institute of Applied Economics and Social Research. Traditionally women stayed in the formal workforce until they got married then left, never to return. In fact, up until 1966 it was illegal for a married woman to work in the Commonwealth Public Service (ABS, 2012). Thanks to access to higher education, the ability to participate in a wider range of jobs, increased access to contraception, childcare and flexible working arrangements, women's workforce participation has dramatically increased over the last 50 years. Personally, I’m so grateful to the pioneering women who’ve come before me and paved the way so that I might have access to education, have agency over my own body, pursue a career that aligns to my interests, have access to flexible working arrangements so that I might enjoy a career and parenthood, as well as create an equitable partnership with my spouse. We should also acknowledge that as much as workforce participation is a welcome choice, in many cases it is also a necessity because, let’s be real, how many couples could actually afford to buy a home, raise families and enjoy a basic standard of living without both partners participating in the workforce? Nevertheless, more women working, earning money and stepping into the role of breadwinner can only be a good thing, right?
In many ways, the answer is ‘yes’. More women taking on the role of breadwinner is good for both the individual and society. On a personal level it reflects greater financial independence for women meaning they have the freedom to make choices based on their values and goals, without the constraint of financial obligation or dependency on others. It provides a sense of security, autonomy and the opportunity to pursue both personal fulfillment and financial stability. It also reflects that women are enjoying greater career advancement, hopefully right up to the c-suite suite, board of directors or at the helm of thriving businesses. For too long, business leadership and governance has lacked diversity which is detrimental because studies show that organisations with diverse leadership teams perform better both socially and economically. Finally, more female breadwinners lays the groundwork for greater gender equality in relationships. Helping couples to break free from the stifling and rigid gender roles of yesteryore and exposing children to more diverse gender roles that helps to reduce gender bias. With this in mind, it seems like there’s little downside to the rise of female breadwinners.
The reality, however, is that as a society and within our intimate relationships we’re not adjusting to the rise of the female breadwinner as well as we would hope. A 2016 study by the University of Melbourne found that men in Australia are more likely than women to experience anxiety and depression when their partners earn more than they do. The study also found that women who earn more than their partners tend to downplay their achievements in order to avoid conflict or resentment. They’re also still picking up the bulk of the unpaid labour despite their earning status. This suggests that we still assign much of a man’s “value” to his ability to make the most income. That being a breadwinner is something women should apologise for. It certainly seems that a female breadwinner is widely perceived as a direct threat to masculinity. Perhaps this is why a woman’s vulnerability to experiencing domestic violence increases by 35% when she earns more than her partner (ABS, 2021). Yikes. As a society we need to do better. We need to question our inherent biases about what is masculine, feminine and how we place value on an individual. With open communication, mutual support for each partner, and a conscious recalibration of gender expectations we can move toward an era where it is safe for women to be breadwinners.
So what’s the recipe for success when it comes to navigating a female breadwinner dynamic in a heterosexual relationship? It starts with open, honest and regular communication. Discuss expectations, roles and responsibilities so that both partners feel valued and respected. The goal is to embrace a team-oriented mentality, prioritise the distribution of household and financial tasks, and support each other’s personal and professional aspirations to foster a healthy and balanced partnership.
Shared financial decision-making: Both partners should be involved in financial discussions, budgeting, and long-term planning to ensure that financial decisions are made collaboratively.
Respect and appreciation: Recognise and appreciate each other's contributions, whether financial or non-financial, to cultivate a sense of equality and mutual respect within the relationship.
Flexible roles and responsibilities: Embrace flexibility in household chores, child-rearing, and other responsibilities, allowing both of you to contribute according to your strengths and interests, rather than adhering to traditional gender roles.
Supporting personal and professional growth: Encourage and support each other's career aspirations, providing opportunities for professional development and growth for both of you, irrespective of their gender.
Open and non-judgmental communication: Foster a safe space for open conversations about feelings, concerns, and expectations, allowing each partner to express themselves honestly without fear of judgment or resentment.
Financial planning and security: Collaborate on financial goals, savings, and investments to ensure long-term financial stability and security for the entire family.
Remember, every couple is unique, and it's important to find a dynamic that works best for both of you. I have been both breadwinner and dependent at various times in my own relationship. I played the role of breadwinner for a number of years whilst my husband established and grew his business. He brought more capital to the relationship but my income supported our ability to finance our home. In the parenting season of life, we’ve both chosen to work less at different points in time to be present parents. I’ve also taken a pay cut in pursuit of growing my own business and my husband has stepped into the role of breadwinner to support that. What makes it work is our regular communication, our shared vision for the future and our unwavering support for each other. Our contributions to the relationship go beyond just the finances. Provided you as a couple can align behind your vision for the future, share major decision-making, distribute household responsibilities equality and adapt to evolving circumstances then who makes what won’t really matter. It’s about working together to build a strong and supportive partnership.
In conclusion, as the female breadwinner dynamic becomes more prevalent, it is crucial for society to adapt and challenge traditional gender roles. While there are numerous benefits to women assuming the role of breadwinner, such as increased financial independence and opportunities for career advancement, there are also challenges to be addressed. Open communication, mutual support, and a conscious reevaluation of gender expectations are vital to creating a harmonious and equitable society. By embracing teamwork, sharing responsibilities, and fostering respect and appreciation, couples can navigate the female breadwinner dynamic successfully, ultimately building a strong and supportive partnership that goes beyond financial contributions.
Footnote: It is important to note that while this article primarily focuses on the dynamics of a female breadwinner in a heterosexual relationship, I recognise that relationships come in various configurations and gender identities. The advice and principles outlined in this article regarding open communication, mutual support, and equitable distribution of responsibilities can be applied and adapted to relationships of any gender orientation. The goal is to foster understanding, respect, and balance within the context of each unique partnership.